The Parties Part 1

Discuss the various Birthday. St. Patrick's, 4th of July & Halloween partiers that have been held.  We will have a follow up show with some of the participates in the future to expand as they share their observations and experiences. 

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SPEAKER_00 0:24

Well, hello everybody, uh, to another episode of The Losing Ticket. I am your current host, Matt. It looks like we're going to be evolving this podcast over time as we move into a new studio. And uh I'm trying to get some other of my friends to join. I think they're eager. And uh my sister-in-law, hopefully she uh she makes it over here, and my friend Mike makes it over here. We have a lot to talk about. But um, I think this week what I'm gonna shift on is uh and again this there's no real uh vision in what I'm speaking or what the topics are. Uh I try to keep an outline and sometimes I stick to it, sometimes I veer off. That's probably a negative to the way I do this. I don't edit it, I don't redo it. So if I sneeze or swear or or cough or take a nice nice swig of Maxwell House coffee. Um it's all gonna be here, and it is what it is. So uh it is uh Tuesday afternoon, almost one o'clock here in beautiful western New York. And uh I decided that the topic for this week was gonna be my or our I won't say my, but our Halloween and St. Patrick's Day parties. And really 4th of July parties, in all honesty, because there were a lot of events that happened on the 4th of July parties as well. So how do I want to take this? How do I want to go? Do I want to go St. Patrick's to 4th of July to Halloween? Yeah, maybe I'll do that. That way I'll go throughout the year. Uh St. Patrick's Day parties. Um, I've only had a few. I probably had and now, mind you, these were all done uh in South Buffalo. We owned a house on Ashton Street, which is off of Saul Park. If you know where Sorento, or I don't know what they call it today, the Cheese Factory, or Burger King, or the Botanical Gardens, we're close to that. Okay. Small, I don't know, it wasn't really a small house for South Buffalo, but it was. It was a smaller house. Three floors, plus uh uh a dirt basement, basically. So we had a nice um a nice little nice uh size downstairs, but really where my or this house, its glory was, was found outside. We had a glorious uh porch that my mother built like in 1989, 90, I think. I don't even know what year. It's still as solid as can be. I mean we've had trees fall on it and it's still it's still uh still looks perfect. You just paint it, right? I think I might have changed out one or two boards, but like the thing is beautiful, the the foundation is solid. Built upon that with another deck that led into a pool. And before we sold the house, we we actually had a a beautiful um backyard uh fire pit. Now, granted, fire pits are illegal in the city of Buffalo, but if you don't know, you just all you need to do is have a grill topper nearby and maybe a package of hot dogs to or something to that effect. And if somebody comes back there, aka the fire department, I'm sure you're gonna hear the the fire engines come into play. You just throw that grill topper on there, you put a couple hot dogs, and you're cooking dinner, baby. And you they can't deny you that. Um I do know a lot of firemen, and and uh I would assume that once I put and I've heard that from firemen, that's what they told me to do, my friends. Um, but if I had a couple firemen come back, I don't know them all, and uh, but if I knew them, I know that they would be like, oh, okay, it's still it's stoltmen, let's get out of here. Uh it basically had happened at one of my Halloween parties, not with firemen, but with cops. But we'll get to that, we'll get to that story or that that aspect of uh my my parties later. Um but the house was nice. It really I we had um amazing neighbors um when it comes to our our media area, okay. And this is the house that I grew up on, okay. So we had neighbors to if I'm if I'm looking out my front door, neighbors to the right, and they were they were awesome. Even the neighbors to them to the right were awesome. They ended up moving, but they were great. Um neighbors across the street, we had a bunch of houses in a row, and they were all they're all like all about it. And then a couple neighbors to the left. And the neighbors had never showed, say. And this was this was a uh trick, I guess you can say, to hopefully um a lot, you know. I I know everybody's different, and there's some assholes out there. But I invited everybody. I invited everybody knowing that not everybody was gonna show. And it really pissed my wife off, but if I didn't invite somebody and we had a loud party and it was going on till uh midnight to one o'clock, two o'clock in the morning, um, chances are that they were gonna be a little more chill because they were invited. The problem is the the street directly behind our house, which was Marilla, had a bunch of Section 8 inbred scumbags. And they were they were a problem a couple times. And then we had a Section 8 house on our street, but across the street and down a little bit, and they were a bunch of scumbags too. I didn't, I didn't I didn't um not to say the scumbags didn't show up to my party, and I would be one of them, obviously. But it's not to say the scumbags didn't show up to the party, but um uh I did not invite these people specifically because I don't like them. I just didn't like them, and fuck if I don't like you, fuck you. You know that that's the thing. My friends, I don't think, realized. And some of them do, because I say this, I say this a lot, and I'm sure Richie and Greg, maybe Mike to a degree, are rolling their eyes as they're hearing this, because I've said it to them. But when I love you, or if I'm your true friend, I will do whatever I can, I will go the extra mile. I genuinely care. But when I don't care anymore, man, you just go jump off the deep bed. Jump off the deep bed. That's on you. If you want to go this way, go ahead, man. I don't I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit. So when I when I'm sincere, and I might not say things that you want to hear. I might not say things that you want to hear. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I I'm mad at you or that I'm upset. And I you could say, well, who the fuck are you, Matt? And you're right. I've I've said this already on this on this um podcast, how I am number one when it comes to faults and bullshit and deficiencies or however you want to call it, whatever weaknesses, however you want to call it. But that doesn't mean that I don't want the ones that I love around me to get better. So so when I really don't give a shit about you, you can go fuck off. And uh so these people across the street were just scumbags, white trash, like total white trash. They gave white trash a bad name, is really what they were. But anyway, we would have we would invite the neighborhood. And the reason why we invited the neighborhood is obviously, like I just said, is so that if they came, awesome, which they a lot of them did, but if they didn't come, at least they knew that they were they were invited and maybe they would be chill. Alright. Um so I'm gonna start. I'm actually gonna throw a couple birthday parties in here. I have to because of events that happened at some of my birth uh some of these birthday parties. So that means actually I have to supersede St. Patrick's Day. So that means, Gerald, that you are gonna take the cake. You'll be the first one, the first ingredient in this cake that I'm building. So I had a history of, and I got I'll continue it with my six with the 60th when that day comes in the far future. But um I remember when I was a child, I remember my mother giving my dad a 30th birthday party. So he was born in 51, so that means this was 1981, which means that I was nine years old. Nine years old, and I had the world's greatest um babysitter. We had one that was really nasty, but now we had the greatest one, Eva. She was awesome. And granted, and I spoke earlier how I would give my babysitter the finger and get grounded for two weeks. It was Eva, but she was still awesome. Um, she would watch me and my sisters, and we were upstairs. And in the in the way to go downstairs, you had to go into the hallway, and there was, I remember, a big old that, like a big old tub, and in it was uh a keg of beer, probably old Milwaukee, knowing my father, but a keg of beer and uh ice. And it was like and everybody was shit-faced. And I know albums were the thing, so I would assume there was probably this, you know, my father, it was Stones or The Doors, or maybe Bob Seeger. Um, that probably was playing. Hendricks, you know that that that was my dad's um that was in his wheelhouse. So that music was blaring, and he liked other stuff, but I'm not gonna get too much into that. But but that was probably in my in my memory of it, that's probably what's playing. And that was when one young Matthew Stoltman, because I already said my name, I don't give a fuck anymore. Um, one young Matthew drank his first beer. Nine years old. I snuck it, nobody knew. Uh, I don't even know if Eva knew, and if she did, it was already gone. And what is she gonna do? Matt drank a beer, I'm in trouble. She just threw the threw the damn cup out. Didn't get sick, didn't throw up, but man, did I hate it. I hated it. But I remember how fun it was seeing my parents laugh. I remember the the joy and the laughter and the and the and the and they were more responsible. They were definitely more responsible than I ever was. They're probably proper, but they were giggling and laughing and things like that. And um and I it stuck in my mind. It always stuck in my mind. So that was when I was nine. And let's flash forward then to I guess you can say um the 30th. Not my 30th per se, because my 30th was really good that my wife gave me. We went to uh they had it at a beach uh cottage, and it was very proper. We had a fire pit, and my friend, my my friends, uh Sean and Derek and Jason and Caleb, and I would assume Laurie was there. I don't remember. Maybe Brian, I don't know. But it was like um just you know, a couple drinks. I think I had like Southern back then. Uh a couple drinks and just chilled. Just just a chill, a chill party. Oh, a couple people from Osmos uh were there. Melinda was there. Um but but that was a chill one. My my wife is born before me. So the 30th party that I had for my wife was at the um Irish Center, and I rented out one of the rooms in the back, and it was a blast, man. It was very expensive, especially for then. So we we wouldn't have no money. I I mean we we didn't have money until probably closer to our fifty, you know, when we were about 50, maybe in our mid-40s. So we we spent most of our marriage uh living paycheck to paycheck, which a lot of us do. I mean, it is what it is, struggle is real, but it really did allow us to enjoy, I guess you could say, this new chapter of life, right? So 30th birthday party, Michelle was a roaring success. Um I had to take Michelle home early. And and I believe Sean and Derek and Caleb and probably Jason were there to help in that. I think I overspent on some wine or something. I owed some money, but they took care of it. I you know, I took care of them, so to speak, afterwards, because I was gone. But they finished the keg, or they brought half they brought they're bringing pictures home or something. I oh man, I wish they were here. They would tell me more about that. But they ended up bringing some of the beer home, and uh I got too much. I think I got like a half a keg or something, so I should have got a quarter keg. But regardless, everybody had blasts, music was blaring, all the family was there. Jeffrey spoiled it. Jeffrey told it was a surprise party, and Jeffrey told Michelle, I'll see you at the party, and she's like, What party? Hey, I'm learning, right? I was learning, I'm learning. So that was that was a major fuck up because considered how much money was spent on it, and Jeffrey just blurts it out. But he didn't know he was God six years old, seven years old, whatever. Uh 40th birthday party. Now we were on Ashton that okay. I think we're on Ashton for the 30th, or we we might not have been, but anyway, we were definitely on Ashton for the 40th, and so the boys were now in either at Bishop Time in High School or about to be in Bishop Time High School. So with the football parents and the timing parents, the basketball parents, all that good stuff, on top of the neighborhood, on top of all of our friends, and this is where I believe Richie has been involved in, and Greg has been involved in. Maybe Dan has been there. I believe they had to have been Jerry was there. Um, it was again, this is a regular subbuffle house, and we probably had 50 to 60 people in our house. And now this is in February, so you couldn't really utilize the back deck because it was probably ice cold there. Um I don't remember there being snow, but it was a good time, but Sherry got annihilated. And I had a really, really close friend who I still dearly love, John, and he liked to talk shit. And people who knew John, and I'm not gonna give him his last name, but people who know John, God bless his soul, um, it was like the two polar opposites were right there. You could feel the magnetic, like the you know, that tension in there. So Mike, I know, I know that John is is talking shit. I know Jerry's talking shit, and Jerry's three sheets to the wind. He's he's done. He's he's like delirious. And the old Jerry, and I will refer to it as the old Jerry, um, was like it's funny because the neighbors across the street also had a kid that went the time. And so the story goes that a mother was dropping off the kids to to to this house across the street, a neighbor, whose mother and father were at our house, mind you. And Jerry's being dragged off, and they wanted to get in a fist fight in my like in the street. And this this mom, who's probably more of a proper mom, you know, not that my wife isn't a proper mom. My mom is that Michelle is 1,000% more mature than I am, very proper in every which way, shape, or form, unless you in unless you're talking about a slot machine. But 100% more mature than I am. Hell, my boys are more mature than I am, you know what I'm saying? Even at that point, they were, especially now. And Jerry's like fucking belligerent, and and his wife's trying to get him in the car, and John wants to fight him, and he's belligerent, and his brothers, um Fredo, what he referred to him as Fredo of the family, because he had a lot of brothers, um, was trying to restrain John. Big Bruha. At the end of the day, Michelle is really pissed at Jerry. I don't know how John got away with any of it. Like, John wasn't um wasn't like everybody got mad at John at some point. I think John was one of these guys where you either loved him or he hated him, and I loved him. Um but needless to say, um, it was it was very memorable. It was a very memorable 40th birthday party. I'm sure Michelle said they probably because it was she had a lot of proper friends there, a lot of her work friends there. Again, it was a significant amount of people that weren't on the immature spectrum, such as myself, John, Jerry, Richie, Greg. I don't think I knew Mikey yet, but there was a lot of us. And we ask we were all immature, we're all bad, we're all drunk. I'm like hosting it, and I'm drunk. I've believe me, believe me, I've done that many a times. And so Jerry's on the hot seat at this point. You know, if you talk about like a coach or a manager and some pro sports, Jerry's on the hot seat with Michelle. Michelle is the law, Michelle is, and she's smart about it. Like, I might not agree with Michelle, however, she's right. I might have to just relax and calm down and see things from a different perspective. She is right. But at the time, I'm like, what are you blaming Jerry for? It was both of them, blah blah blah blah blah. Right? Anyway, that was the 40th birthday party for Michelle. I believe that summer we had, or the summer after, but that summer I'm gonna remember it as. We had a pool party, and we would have parties just to go swimming because it's hot. We had we had a little rinky dink, not rinky dink, but it was like a 13-foot pool. It was perfect for our backyard. Friends would go in on it, they'd make fun of me because I didn't have a ladder that went to our deck. We had like a an A-frame ladder on the side of the deck, so you kind of had to shimmy over to jump in the pool or to get out. Wasn't a big deal. I mean, it is what it is. Again, we had a lot, but there were things that we couldn't always afford, and I couldn't afford a fucking real ladder. It was what it was. And Gerald um um having more than a couple glasses of Barton's was on the top of the ladder in A-frame, and he was annihilated, and he fell head head first down the ladder onto the ground. And I it has to be that his because he was so drunk, he was probably so like nimble and like reluse that he didn't break his neck. And he should have. He should have. Could have. Um, but he didn't. So that was it. Like Michelle struck down the gavel, and and at that point in time, Jerry was now mind you, I'm 53 years old, so this has probably been 13 years. Okay. And Jerry was like at high, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go a little back here now. I'm not in a order. Sorry, Greg, sorry, I'm all over the place. But but Jerry at that point in time was now banned from the house. And so the previous that previous Christmas Eve, I think it was, we had Richie and and uh Jerry and Michelle's friend Rebecca over. Jeffrey was older. We used to play this game, Baldur Dash, where it would give you like a date, and and I'll I'll I'll talk about that later in in another uh podcast, but it was hilarious. Because it's Christmas Eve, and we're talking about Lexington Steel and Dong and just very inappropriate things. And and Jerry was was and again, this is before the summer party, before the 40th. Jerry was was drunk, and man, he picked up his pants so high that like you saw the crack of his ass, you saw the ball sack in the front, and it was just it was so bad. And I remember there's this this burnt vision of Rebecca turning around and looking right at Jerry's ass and her going, Oh, oh, like it was so there, like you couldn't avoid it. So, like there was a bunch of little things that kind of like were chipping away at Michelle, but that that fall, that summer was that. So she banned Jerry. We had some parties afterwards. Um but but nothing uh uh that overly real um crazy had happened because obviously Jerry wasn't there anymore. But um we had uh for a 50th party, it was pretty chill. We didn't have any problems there. So that was it when it came to like say the birthday parties. My I had a 50th at the at the uh Irish center Michelle through me, and it was so good. It was so nice. And I met so many friends that like you know, people go their own ways in life and people evolve, and you know, people go to different work sites and things like that. Cause because um I haven't done my friends to podcast yet, but like when I met Caleb and Jason and the twins, Shauna Derek and Lori and Renee and Brian and Aaron Opstein and God, there's others and I I loved all of them. They were so it was such a good time. It was high school, man. It was like we were in our thirties or twenties and thirty early thirties, late twenties, early thirties. It was like high school. It was so fun. It was the job sucked so bad working at a call center. But man, did we have fun? And again, as time evolved, things, you know, one person left for one reason, one person left for another. And and even though we tried to stay in touch, some of those ties were so long and and thin that they snapped. And and it at my for 50th party, I got to see so many of them. I lost some toes right before it. So my initial party had more people that were gonna be there. Um but but when she had to do the redo, there were still so many. Like a lot of our time in par uh the time in parent friends were there. Um that I loved so much. It was a great, it was a very, very nice party that Michelle threw for me. And and there was no shenanigans. I don't even think I got drunk. I'll be honest with you. They gave me whatever I wanted. I think it was deep eddy little lemon and water. Uh that's what I was drinking. Then I'm not really a big drinker. I I binge drink, but um but I don't drink day-to-day, so to speak. So I had some of that and that was fine. Just spilled the coffee all over me. But the St. Patrick's Day parties, um, I started that when I was at Green Pack. No, Green Pack, um Green Pack is a paper mill. It was located up in Niagara Falls. So I used to be a high school English teacher in the city of Buffalo, and every year I was getting like laid off because of budget cuts. It was kind of bullshit. And a company called Green Pack was opening up a brand new building, like they built it from the ground up. And I said, you know what? Maybe I take this road somewhere else. So I applied, and I was Mr. I was Mr. Huge. I'm I'm big now again, sadly, because of some other medical issues. But but I was really big then. And um, so I I'll be honest with you. They that and I've heard stories of people saying, like uh HR saying, well he's this guy's not gonna last, referring to me, because it was a very physical job, and sure sure as fuck it was. Oh my god, I used to I used to get home from work looking like I jumped in a pool. And and when that mill started, we had nothing, we had no real like SOPs on anything, you know, like how to operate these pieces of equipment. So a lot of us in the very very beginning, basically we had to figure it out. We had some guys there, some people there from like Europe and and Wisconsin, but we were really we had to like we had to figure it out. So it would fail this way, then okay, we knew not to go that way, we'd try something else. But when you failed, it usually meant that you had to go back and do it again, and you're going up the I'm going up double stairs up to the to a catwalk overlooking a warehouse. Next thing I know, I'm going all the way down to the very basement, and I just ankle deep fucking pulp on the ground, and going back up, and then I got man at my my team lead yelling at me because the the rolls are backing up, and I'm like, you guys can go and I did go fuck yourselves because it was bullshit. It was fucking bullshit. No fucking help at all. Go fuck yourselves and I would go down when I would like go down to the basement for whatever. Sometimes I go into the um outbound area to take a piss, and then here's fucking Mike, because they don't have no orders yet, and then all his other cronies, and there's fucking Mike on a fucking laptop watching probably Robocop or some bullshit movie. Labyrinth, fucking the Dark Crystal, I don't know, whatever shit them that motherfucker would watch. And he's sitting there, like drinking a pop, eating chips, laying back, yawning, had the fucking audacity to yawn as I'm fucking sweating like a stuck pig. And I looked at him like, you motherfuckers, and I fucked, I took motherfucked every single one of those guys. And I went back up to work, but that started a friendship with Mike and I. And eventually, uh the years go by. I was there for like uh 10 10 years maybe. Um, but I accumulated, I'd like to say, a lot of friends, a lot of friends. I moved into a role because I did have that master's degree. I did, I moved into a role of like kind of like a trainer. Um I don't want to get too involved in it because Mike and I are gonna do a Green Pack podcast at some point, but I got to know guys across the spectrum of all the different teams, and so I would throw these Halloween parties and and these St. Patrick's Day parties. And the St. Patrick's Day party started when I was at Green Pack, and I'd be like, hey man, you guys are invited, you know, like come come come come come. And a lot of them came from like Niagara County and fucking Narnia and all those other fucking wacko places up there in Niagara County. So they took a hike, but it was great because like we saw I saw all these guys that I truly and sincerely cared for. I mean, there were times where you were able to give somebody a raise, and it you could tell it meant something. And they did, they worked hard for it, and and I got so much gratitude. It was the gratitude that I got when I taught, when I saw someone, you know, be able to get that aha moment. You know what I'm saying? So I was able to, I was blessed to be able to help these guys get more money, and and they did the hard work, mind you. But I was able to get them through to the process set, I guess you could say, right? There's a lot of bullshit. We'll get into a green pack later, but there's a lot of bullshit tied to their raises. Uh but those guys were there. And St. Patrick's Day, man, like they would we we would have a uh uh a rack of fucking whiskeys and beers, and some sometimes the weather broke just enough that we'd be able to open up the back deck and we would have coolers of beer, we'd have beer pong going on, and um I used to make this jungle juice, and it was like Everclear Dr. Boston, which was basically the same thing. I mean it was it was vodka, but it was like 190 proof or 100 someone someone will know, but it's it ain't no fucking 151 pussy drink, it was like big time drinks. Mixed both of those together with like a big jug of Hawaiian punch, a bunch of like Sprite or Mountain Dew and tons of fruit, and you couldn't taste shit. All you tasted was like a very fruity Hawaiian punch. It was it tasted so good. When it hit the lips, it tasted so good. And um people who knew it was in there kind of tried to stay away from it. And I would go, like somebody would bring their wife, and they were a little bit more proper. And I knew I like the kitchen, it was funny. The way this, the way this party and St. Pastor's Day would would create was the kitchen was like no man's land. Like that was like when we when that party ended, we had to like we had to mop multiple times because there was so much liquor on the floor, it was so sticky and disgusting. And I would make this corned beef and they would like eat the the grizzle on the side of the tinfoil, and it was good. I'm not I'm not I'm not gonna like pat my own back here or my or Michelle's back, but the shit was legit. And there's only one fucking corned beef to get, and if you want to know it, you're gonna have to ask me because I ain't telling you. But if you like corned beef, I know the best shit, and it's legit. Regardless, and you gotta buy it at a certain place, but regardless. The food would be eaten, drinks would be drank, and and in the kitchen was like the mongoloids, it was the degenerates, it was the sc was the green pack eyes, and and it was it was rowdy, loud, rowdy, loud, music blasting, and then in the living room was like the moms, the timing parents for the most part, the moms, the people that really weren't part of that group, you know, maybe they were like friends or you know, proper people, okay, respectable like definitely not Michelle's respectable like I'm not. Believe me. You guys, if you listen to my voxers or or my voxers, you listen to these podcasts through this through the episodes, you know I'm not respectable. Anywho, that's what was in the living room. And then the dining room was kind of like where the people in the living room wanted a sense a little bit more. Maybe they had a little wild side wild side in them, but they didn't want to go full in. So they go into the into the dining room and they can kind of get a better angle, and then the people in the wild room would go to the dining room to take a breather. And so there was a little bit of mix there, and that usually where my son and his friends would be, and um and some of the some of the some of the more proper, proper, but they kind of had a wild side, you know what I'm saying? So Mikey, and I believe it was the St. Patrick's Day party. I know it actually was, I believe it was, was annihilated. Okay. So Michelle had, and we're gonna get to that at Halloween time, but Michelle had a habit, and she already did it with Gerald, Jerry, where she would ban people from the house because of one I would have been banned. Just so you know, I should I probably should have been banned every year. I should have been banned. I've ruined phones, I've ruined everything. Our first Halloween party, which I'll talk about, was in 2001, and I started destroying shit back then. We but our our our St. Page Day parties um were great, and and uh Mikey had way too much to drink. They were doing things called picklebacks, which were disgusting. You you did, I think, a shot of Jameson and then a shot of pickle juice. Now I like dill pickles, but I don't want to drink pickle juice. I did one, thought I was gonna hurl, didn't, thank God. Mikey probably done those. Mikey probably mixed drinks. Mikey probably did Mikey doesn't drink, but he drank at these parties, right? Mike went into the bathroom, we had a half bath in the kitchen, and the rule was if you use that bathroom, you had to do a shot when you got out. Regardless. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. And we had like two or three tiers of security to ensure that you drank, you did a shot. So Mike comes in willingly because he has to throw up and he pukes everywhere. And Jen's like, fuck, Mike's gonna get Mike's gonna get banned from the house. So she cleans it up without even me knowing it. And Mike just on the way out is walking out, and he's just you know how you are. I'm I don't know who out there has ever thrown up puking, but when you're done, you're not in a good place, right? So Mike's walking out, and sure as shit, I believe it was Tom and and uh oh, I don't even know from Green Pack who it was. I think Tom was one of them. You'll know who you are. But um made him do a shot. And he did one, because Mike's one of the guys, and it he probably wanted to hurl again, I'm sure. But like Mike, Jen saved Mike that day. And again, these parties were music was blasting and and things like that. Now my mom won my mom on one party invited her. My mom's boyfriend is in a blues band, and he's actually really good. I think he's in like the Buffalo Blues Hall of Fame. And he she brought him, and then she brought his band, and then his band's girlfriends, I believe. And there was a guy who looked like Santa Claus, I remember that, and he had a friend named Roxy. Oh, oh my god. Roxy, I don't know how many of you out there know who Roseanne Rosanna Dana was. It was Gilda Radner's role on a on Saturday night live back in the 70s. So her hair was like super like frizzed out, like it looked like maybe like a foot or two on either side of the head. Total crazy hair, right? So Roxy had this type of hair, she was super tall for a girl, super skinny, like almost not anorexic, but uh kind of close. Probably jeans, super thin jeans, and uh and a white muscle shirt with no bra. And her boobs were like they were they went all the way down to like her belly button, they were absolutely huge and and and old and disgusting. And I don't have a problem with old girl boobs, like boobs are boobs, but like these things hung and you could see like the the dark shade or aerials on the side of the of the uh on the on the other side of the white muscle shirt. She was annihilated, but I don't think she was drunk, I think she was high as a fuck. I think they were doing like cocaine and shit. Not my mom, but like her and maybe I don't know, maybe just her. And she is all in that room, she's in the bad boy room, okay? But she comes into the upper class, I'll call it the upper classroom, the upper classroom, just to talk. And my sister-in-law, Ruthie, when she comes on here, she'll be able to to uh and um add on to this story. But I believe Ruthie had like dip or something on her finger, and Roxy grabbed her hand and licked her finger dry, like clean the shit off her finger. And they don't know each other, and Ruthie's like Ruthie's kind of chill, like she's she's she can party, she's a party girl, all right? Nothing, like the the the look of horror on her face was but it made it hilarious, right? Made it hilarious to everybody. But Ruthie was absolutely mortified, and Roxy's floating around and she's getting drunk, and and I had um two friends, um God, Sean and Jason and Jason was it? Mikey can Sean and Jason was it? I believe it was Jason, and they're drunk too. They are drunk as skunks. Justin. Justin. Justin and and Sean. And my Roxy, that both of them are on either side of Roxy. And Roxy's annihilated, they're annihilated. And I think um We Are the Champions came on. The like I had a I would have like a music, uh, it would just jump from like country to rock to 80s to whatever. I shifted it because I figured everybody liked something, so I made sure metal, everybody got something at some point in time. And it would, and I had a set list that was like five hours long. So you you know, you're gonna get a lot of music across the whole spectrum. But it just so happened to have uh we are the champions playing, and and Justin with Roxy and Sean are there, and they're like in the live in the dining room, mind you, looking into the living room, and we had a little archway, and that part in the song were like, We are the champions, you are the losers, whatever it is. And every time it would be like you are the losers, they were pointing to like Michelle and um and and Marty and and much of our timing friends saying you are the losers, and it was hilarious because even though they were proper, the people in the living room would genie and all them, they would literally just be making little comments, and it was those were hilarious. Yeah, I think um if I remember correctly, Richie was actually with them because Richie, he's a he's a two-faced, he's an Eddie Haskell, he'll play both roles, which I think we all do to a certain degree. I know I do with his family somewhat times, but he was like mingling with the good people, even though he should have been in the kitchen, and Justin's there, and Roxy looks at Justin, and then she sticks her tongue in his ear, and the absolute look of horror on Justin's face made everything worth that, everything worth it, because he had this grotesque 70 plus year old ex groupie who's probably stuck more dicks than there were with the 50 dudes that were in the freaking house in her lifetime, and she has his her tongue in his ear, just like cleaning it out of all the wax. And the look on Jason's face, like he was absolutely mortified. It was the great one of the greatest things I've ever seen in my life, and that sobbered him up. He went from being like 10 sheets to the wind to being ready to drive home that very moment. And um and that that summed up basically a lot of our St. Patrick's Day parties because we couldn't we couldn't really go out because of the cold. It was too early in the season. Sometimes there was even snow on the ground, but it was so rowdy on the inside. So I think it kind of kept the sound down when it came to what was happening in the neighborhood. That is not, unfortunately, what happens um with 4th of July and with um Halloween. Now, 4th of July was a little bit more reserved when it came to who came to the party. Really, it was just our next door neighbors, our cross street neighbors, uh Mike and his extended family, and sometimes Richie would show up with his girlfriend. I think Lori was there once, maybe. But I don't know if they left, but but I know Richie stayed for fireworks one time. Um and this was back in Richie's drinking days, too, so it was always fun with with some of his his uh comments, I guess you can say his unrestricted in you know comments, but it was great because we would swim all day, and then um next door neighbors, they probably they probably spent like 200 bucks in fireworks, really good fireworks, maybe even more than that. And we would probably spend I think one year Michelle went crazy and she bought more than what we normally do, but I would say anywhere from one to one fifty. But one year Michelle went to little bonkers, and um we would blow them off in the street. And I and for those of you that live in South Buffalo, you know, our streets are very narrow. Uh, it is what it is. And for you to blow off fireworks with the with the maple trees and the oak trees everywhere, um, and the cars that were still parked in the street, it was tough. Like your car was gonna get hit. It was gonna be cut definitely was gonna be covered with uh with gunpowder. I mean that's it doesn't matter where you're parked. You don't even need to be by the fireworks, you were gonna get covered. Um, but there was some really, really good fireworks. And one year we had um I was I'm an idiot. So like I we haven't gotten to Halloween yet, but I like decorating the house for Halloween. And we had uh Helba Habels I had at one point, and I don't even know how, but I never like threw them out after Halloween. Like I just got lazy. So they were still there in 4th of July. I think they were making their way out, and they were like in the driveway. So the kids are doing sparklers and things like that, and we would give sparklers to some of the little kids down the street and at the corner and things like that, because you they didn't have anything, but they would watch, and then the kids are just sitting there. I'm like, I'm not gonna watch have these kids watch our kids do sparklers and them not get anything. So we always got a lot of those things to give to those kids. The I'll call them the Sexton 8 kids, but I uh it's not the kids that were the problem, it was the adults. But why why why punish the kids, right? So we gave the kids fireworks, you know, little poppers and stupid shit like that. But my kids are doing the the sparklers, and I grab them to throw them out, and then an idiot, and I remember this. Like my uncle used to have a can of of a metal can of Maxwell House. I love Maxwell House, so it's probably where I get it from. And he would fill water and he would put them in a cup of the you know, in the in the tin of water. Makes sense, logical, correct? Well, what does what does Matt do? He puts them in the fucking hay that's been there since Halloween in the summer sun, dry as a fucking your granddaddy's scalp. And we're still like doing some fireworks, like early on in the fireworks, and someone's like, oh my god, your house is on fire. And in the in the in the what do you call it, in the driveway, the the hay bales are like literally engulfed in fire. And I in my house and and our next our neighbor to the right, I mean they were just doomed to go down. So I grabbed the hose and got the got the fire out, but like what a moron was I. Like, what was I fucking thinking? So like everybody laughs and post-haste, but like at the time it was like not funny, at least not to me. So I'm thinking, oh my god, I'm gonna burn our houses down. Dumb, dumb, dumb, Matt. I get it. We uh the the we would do like the little tubes where you put like the ball. Like, I don't even know what they're technically called, but they would you put the ball in the tube, the wick would come right out, it was super long, you would light it, it would shoot up, and then poof, it was a nice little nice little firework, right? Launch. I don't even know what they're called. I don't I haven't done fireworks in a while. Well, one year that tipped over and hit our house. Like it literally went into the dry uh porch, blew up, and it started our our um it started our railing on our porch on fire, which we got that out. Then it went to an abandoned house and hit the front door, popped back and blew up. No fire there. And then we got kind of nervous, so we went back into the backyard onto our huge super deck. To launch them back there. Well, I don't know why we did that. But we did. And when the firework would blow off, it would shake the whole damn deck. Like you felt that power. Like, holy shit, these things are powerful. And one time the damn thing tipped over. And and people were literally along the railing of the porch. It couldn't go anywhere. And I remember it blowing up and it was green. And I saw my son, and my aunt, my son Andy, and he was probably like seventh or eighth grade at the time. And I just see him like curling down, and I see his like his silhouette kind of in the in the shadows of this big green fireball. Oh, it was scary, but it was funny. And um, so we would that's what we did. We had Mike and his family come over every year and our neighbors and and and just relax. It was such a chill eat, you know, cook out. Andy, Andy actually, John, we talked about John from uh the previous from the St. Patrick Day parties. John kind of was he was a chef at one point, so he was kind of he he bonded with Drew real easily, and so he was giving Andy like tips and tricks and things for the grill. And Andrew is amazing on the grill. So when he cooks, it's like a special treat. And I don't even know what he does. He adds shit to burgers like Worcestershire and celery salt, or I don't even know what he does. I don't know what he puts on stuff, but it's good. Um and uh yeah, seeing it seeing that silhouette was just hilarious. So when we moved away, unfortunately, our 4th of July has been pretty tame. Um no fireworks, no nothing. Now we're back in Buffalo, and um we might go see them this 4th of July, and and the neighbors that own the house now, people who bought the house were pieces of shit. We didn't know it at the time, but they really treated that house bad. But then um two women bought the house, and that house is loved again, and I'm so happy. Like I would drive out in the street, and you could see that house shine. It was it was a yellow house. They got the garden back the way it was, and they said they do the backyard the way it was. They painted the house again. Oh, it just looks so good. I'm so happy for that house. Because that was a house I grew up in on. So I don't know if I'm gonna go there 4th of July, because I I still it hurts to be down on Ashton, but um, because I was there for so long. But um who knows what I'll do this 4th of July, but it it it won't be it won't be me blowing up fireworks, that's for sure. Not that not this year, at least. I'll see we're buying a house, I'll see where that what takes place next 4th of July, and and I'll know my neighbors by then and we'll we'll see where that goes. But the the real the real the real bullshit really happened in Halloween time. Now, this is gonna this is gonna be a long box or a long uh podcast. I apologize, I apologize, I apologize. But Halloween deserves almost its own podcast in a way, I guess, because it was such a historic thing. So like the very first podcast that I ever did podcast, the very first Halloween party that I ever did was the Halloween. I always did it the Saturday before Halloween. Because I know little kids, you know, people have little kids, they want to take them trick-or-treating. So never had the party on Halloween. It was always the Saturday before Halloween. And if Halloween was on a Saturday, that meant it was gonna be a week before Halloween. It was what was. People always knew what day my parties were. It was the Saturday before Halloween. And on this opening day of of the Stoltman Halloween party, um, the Yankees were playing the Arizona Diamondbacks in this in the World Series. So it was 2001, I think it was. And um we lived in a townhouse in West Seneca at the time on Orchard Park Road. And I had friends, I used to work at a company called Inger Micro. That's where Caleb and the twins and Jason and Laurie and all of them were involved. And no, I worked at Osmos, I worked at a different company, but the my Green Pack or my uh Inger Micro friends were there. My some of my Osmos friends were there. I wasn't at Green Pack yet, and my sisters were there. I dressed up as a female before it was cool for men to dress as a woman, mind you. But I dressed as a female, and I remember scaring the shit out of my oldest son. He didn't know who the hell I was, and I was gaudy. I had like a five o'clock shadow, I had like a big shiny blue moo with blonde uh hair, big old breasts, and I made sure that like the the the the little tail end where you blow up the balloons came out to the top, so like it looked like it had nice pointy nipples. And um oh, I put my mascara and I had lipstick and it was like it was like off, so like it looked like I was like I you know I I purposely made sure it wasn't just on my lips. Oh, it looked like a fucking hot mess, and it was great. And we had a great party. I think the Yankees lost the World Series that day. But it was the first party, and we learned a lot. Michelle learned that I liked to spill my beer at the time on our phone. We used to have the old phones where you had the cord and everything. And every until I think cell phones became a thing, every year I would spill my alcohol on our phone. It was that's why I said I should have been banned from our house. You know what I'm saying? And I was notorious. This is one thing I was notorious, I was notorious for the for the Irish goodbye. For those of you who don't know what an Irish goodbye is, it's when someone leaves without telling anybody. Now, granted, I'm the host, I'm the host of my St. Patrick's Day parties, I'm the host of the Fourth of July parties, and I'm the host of the Halloween parties. And that doesn't mean that Michelle's not involved, she does a lot of work and she's involved in it, but when it comes to who's hosting it, it's definitely me, right? Well, and I'll and not really in 4th of July, but in St. Patrick's Day and Halloween terms, party terms, I had a tendency to uh just go upstairs and go to bed. And man, did it piss my wife off because here she is, and my drunken friends were still there. It'd be like 12 o'clock or 12 30, and I go to bed, and they're still there at 2 and 3 o'clock in the morning, and Michelle just wants them to get the fuck out of the house. Like she's already cleaning the house. She's fucking cleaning the house while that two guys that are still talking about some bullshit, you know, are still talking in in front of the fridge or in front of the dishwasher. Michelle's like, you guys mind getting the fuck out? Like that type of thing. So I get yelled at. She's like, that's the last fucking party you're ever having. And I would just like bide my time, and just then I say, Hey, can we have another Halloween party or another, you know, and some years she was okay, and there was a couple between 2001 and 2022, that was 21 years. We might have missed two Halloween parties, but and it was because Michelle said no, like she didn't have the strength to do it. Um which I get. I mean, she's technically right, but I love it. I love those parties, and people love those parties. Um the the jungle juice was always the hit because the husbands knew about the jungle juice. They would give it to their wives who'd like, oh, I don't really want to drink. Can I have something fruity? Like they wanted a glass of wine or they wanted a um uh what do you call those things? Um fruit, fruit cool, you know, fruit uh coolers, you know, one of those wine coolers. But then I had this old this big vat of of of jungle juice. It tastes just like Hawaiian punch ladies. Taste it, and they taste it, and I'm like, oh my god, it tastes so good. I go, exactly. I'm just gonna give you there's a little bit of alcohol in there, I'll give you half a glass. I didn't want to fucking put them in the hospital. So I give them a half a glass, and sometimes the husbands literally are carrying their wives out of the party. And I'm like, hey man, congratulations, because you go home, you know, just take the panties off and you're gonna have yourself a party. Maybe, maybe, maybe that's an unwanted thing. I don't know, but it is what it is. These mommies and these these wives got destroyed on this, on this, uh, on this jungle juice. It was such a hit, such a fucking hit. Uh, and it was cheap too, because I think Everclear wasn't that expensive. Dr. Boston wasn't that expensive. Um, but man, did it fuck a lot of people up. And it was usually the mouth, the wives. Like the husband's like, oh, I'm gonna drink whiskey. And I'm thinking, you're drinking lightweight shit compared to what your wife's drinking right now, man. But um some some years with Halloween, uh, we had themes. We'd do like 80s. I think we did uh I don't know. I know we did 80s one year when I actually tried to do it this was later in the years, and I tried to do uh like a I had like a bottle of booze and I think a gift certificate or two, and I would go around and I would pick pick who was the best. And that year was really good. We had a couple really good like uh slashes from Guns N' Roses, and and there was a guy his name was Chris, and this was like a cool story. So there was this guy, Chris, who worked at Green Pack. He had like he was bald-headed, he was about five foot eight, five foot nine, uh bald-headed rocker. He actually was in a lead singer of a rock and roll band called Ezekiel. Now, I never heard of Ezekiel, but like people maybe five years older than me and older, they knew who Ezekiel was. It was like the late 70s, early 80s. Ezekiel was like one of the main fucking bands. Ezekiel was so popular, they opened up for Rat on a tour of theirs once. And I know people are like, Rat, who gives a fuck? But like in the 80s, like Rat had a couple hits and they were big. So like they were opening up for a pretty big band, you know, like Quiet Riot, Rat, then there was them, and then Quiet Riot and Rat. Like it was a great fucking concert. And there's Chris Dimmick, Chris, who's who's uh fucking working at Green Pack, but he was a legit lead singer in this band. So he's like, Well, I don't know what to I don't know what to dress up as for Halloween. I don't know how to dress up. I go, dude, come as yourself. Just come as your fucking self. So he came in, he had like a he had a like a fireball shirt, you know, like a shirt, and his tats were covered in his arm, bald head, tattoos on his neck, and shit like that. And people I remember someone, who is that guy? And my neighbors, my neighbors were older, they were like in their mid when I was like in my mid to late 40s or mid-40s, they were like 50 to 55. So they're like five years, six years, seven years older than me. And I'm like, well, his name is Chris, and he's lead singer from a band called Ezekiel. And like all like five or six of them, like, are you fucking kidding me? And they were like fans, like they didn't realize who he was, and they're like, Man, we loved your music, we went to all your shows. And I looked at Chris because Chris was like a little bit down on his luck, a little bit, and I'm looking at Chris, and you could just see the smile on his face that was like, Oh man, I go, I'm loving this. Like, Chris is just being himself, and he's like the fucking star of the show to a uh to a segment of the of the room. And like I told you, like we had 50, 60, 70 people in this house on a normal Halloween party. We had friends of friends come, like we didn't even invite certain people, they would show up. So like people were like, hey, is that guy having a party this year? Yeah, he is. Okay, can I go? Yeah, yeah. And they would come with other people, you know? So um, you know, people would always bring like a 12 pack. I would I think I bought like I'd buy like 230 packs, I'd buy a couple bottles, I'd buy a couple bottles of wine, I would I would order a couple party pizzas and pop and chips and that and shit like that. Some people, yeah, I'll bring a dip, or I'll bring this, or I'll bring a that. I'm like, oh cool. And we had food and we had desserts and we had booze everywhere, and there were like years where we would have our our our deck would be amazing. Like the weather was like 50 and it was perfect on the deck. We'd have there was years where we had two beer pong tournaments going on at the same time, and there's a song uh called The Stroke from Billy Squire, and it was like Stroke me, stroke me. Well, people would call say Stop, stop, man. And then the one year they're like chanting it in the backyard, and this is like 12, 1 o'clock in the morning. Sure shit. And I'm I'm dressed as a female again this year. Sure as shit. We had like five fucking cop cars in the front of our house. Michelle's like, there's cop cars outside. I'm like, bullshit. And they're like, no, there's really cop cars. You see the lights? So I go out and I'm drunk as fuck, and I'm in my my my moo, same moo moo as the very original, mind you. I'm in my moo and I I go out there and up comes like two or three cops, and I think one was like the sergeant. He had the three, the three uh chevrons, and he's like, um, we got our we got a report that there was an underage party here. Now, mind you, the youngest person in a party might have been in their mid to late 20s. All right. So there was definitely no underage drinking going on. But again, like I said earlier, a lot of the degenerates, me included, a lot of the degenerates, a lot of the drunks were loud and having a good time. So we were loud. And it was probably the assholes on Marilla that were complaining, which I don't give a fuck. And never gave a fuck. I still don't give a fuck. But the um the what do you call it? The the cops are like, Do we have a report of Uncle Range Drinking? I go, Man, I tell you, there's no one even close to 21 at this party. You are more than welcome to come on up. In fact, I have a beer for each one of you guys. And then the guy's like, oh man, we're we're on duty. And then of the five cop cars that showed up, like say there was one cop in each car, and I think one car had two, probably was a trainer's trainee or something. I think I knew like three of them. So like they were they were timing down. I was like, um, yeah, we got we got uh uh God, what was his name? Dave's here and John's here and this guy's here. Like they all knew him. Yeah, we all knew each other. So like everything was chilling. He's like, Yeah, try to chill out a little bit, just try to chill out, and we're like, eh, okay, you know, we will. And that's when I lost it, because when they left, I'm like, you motherfucker, section eight motherfuckers complaining about a fucking party, Bob. And I'm screaming this shit the loud. And I have a booming voice, so Michelle's embarrassed, and people are laughing, but it it did mellow that party out. But like, man, did we have a fucking good time? And every year was great. Some years it was rainy out and it sucked, but man, like the last party was perfect weather. Had the fire going. Nobody went swimming, but like, man, it was just like it was a goodbye to the house. It was a at the time it was a goodbye to some of my friends, but really more of a see you later. And look, we're back now, right? But it was like a uh you know, goodbye, see you later thing. Um, but man, my the my drunkenness, my friends' drunkenness, cops showing up. I mean, Richie hooked up with some girl in the kitchen. Mind you, Richie was drunk. But like, it was so weird. It was almost like Nina Hartley, you know, like everyone's in and I don't know if you know the movie Boogie Knights, but there's a scene in Boogie Knights where little Bill is the husband and he's watching his wife get fucked by like seven dudes in the in the Whitaca in the driveway. And and little Bill just takes it, right? Eventually, obviously he kills her, kills the guy that's fucking her, and then goes and kills himself. Might you know, justifiable, I guess, right? I guess. But at this point in time, like he just takes it. Not that that chick was with anybody at the time, but like it was almost like that scene on in the in the in the driveway. And I think even Richie's dad's in there, and we're all just staring, like we're in a circle around them two, and you just see Richie's tongue slapping her face, going in and out of her mouth, and there's like I think he's sitting in my chair and she's straddling him. And I swear to god, if they if she would have blew him right there and then, I would have like it wouldn't even have shocked me. It wouldn't have shocked me at all. And but that's the kind of shit that happened. I I walked in on Chris that one party, and he was gonna fuck his girl in the ass in my bathroom. And I just happened to walk in, and he's lifting up her screen. And she was now, mind you, she was older than me by about 10 years at the time, right? But you knew in the 80s she was like a smoking hot, like groupie, right? Blonde, big breasts, hee hee, tee hee, you know, one of those chicks. And and and he, I I get it, I open the door because I'm just taking a piss. So I go and open the door and I'm I'm half in a bag, and all I see is Chris lifting up her skirt to fuck her in the ass. And I'm like, Chris, you can't do that in my house. I mean, he's like, oh come on, man, don't be don't be a cock blocker. I'm like, I'm not trying to be a cock blocker, but I don't want to see your seed all over my fucking kid. Like Michelle will kill me. Like I didn't want to have to clean. I would have had to like wait until he's done fucking her in the ass, and everybody had to go in there and clean it up. And I was already drunk. I didn't want to do it. So I was a cock block. But I got to see it, I got to see her ass at least. Uh it was just great. It was it was just a great time. It was a great time, it was great times. And I don't like drinking anymore, as we all know. I like doing the edibles. And I think if I ever do have another party, I would be just edibles for me at least. But I don't see a lot of those guys anymore. Um, since I've left Green Pack, I don't see those guys at all. I don't unfortunately I don't even hear from them at all. Thought I meant more. I guess it's a little hurtful in in certain ways. But Mikey's still there, Richie's there, Jerry's there, Jerry's back, and I think Jerry's back. Just mind you, Michelle's gonna play this off, Jerry, on on the new house. You know you're invited to the house. You just gotta be the new Jerry. But um Jerry and and and Gregory and Ann, I there they're still a nice tight nucleus there. Trying to work on Dan. I really want Dan back in in this in the in the inner circle, and maybe time will will will mend fences. And I am trying with Daniel. But um, yeah, I'm just at a point now where I want to enjoy life and good times. My boys are older, I got a granddaughter, and I wouldn't do that shit around my granddaughter, but um I would like to, you know, share some beers and some drunkenness with my boys from time to time. I mean that would be cool. I didn't get to experience that with my dad because he passed away so young, but I definitely would like to do that with my boys. I think I was high once with Jeffrey once. That was I think we were in Cleveland, if I remember correctly. We went to an Indians game. But um, I love that shit. So onto on to new adventures. And I'm gonna sign off now after an hour. I hope I didn't bore you all. I know I was all over the place, but again, this is this there's a follow up show to be had with with the parties. And I just want to touch base on some of the key points, at least from my remembering. And uh peace and love. Peace and love.